The True Pot Head Detector Test

After years of hands on research, and dating pot heads for science...I have finally come up with the True Pot Head Detector Test. (Not to belabor the point but I completely forgot about this test I came up with until the other day when I was talking to a random stranger who was interested in me, but mentioned they smoked, and I kindly declined them because of it. Then said stranger immediately went on the defense (as they all do cuz they've gotta stand behind, defend, and justify their illegal drug use)..."your judging me without knowing me"...and "you just don't like it cuz it's illegal"...and all those fancy goodies you get when you tell a pot head you don't date...well...pot heads. Not one of them actually heard me out long enough for me to tell them the real reasons why I came up with that decision or to tell them about my years of hands on research I've done on the subject. I guarantee no one would argue if I said "I'm sorry but I don't date rapists, murderers, heroin addicts, child molesters, people that are super obese, or old enough to be my father, or have children and said mother is not dead or in jail for life, etc.....ok, ok...maybe I'd get an argument or two about the last few...the list goes on too...but bottom line that's the truth...and I have my reasons why. Though I really don't understand why it bothers someone that much. Shouldn't they be elated with my list, because with it, that means that there are more of them out there for them to choose from? Lol)

Anyway...without further adieu...

*The True Pot Head Detector Test*

Step 1: Tell them that you agree with the government that pot should be illegal.

Step 2: Step back and listen to suspect rant about how if alcohol is legal, pot should be as well. Maybe even get to hear the stats on deaths caused by pot heads as opposed to alcoholics. And, if you're lucky enough, you might even get to hear the argument between cigarettes and pot and how pot is healthier for you.

After administering test:

-If you heard all 3 of the above statements, ladies and gentleman, you can bet money that your suspect is a pot head. Not only that, but you can pretty much bet that they are currently high, have pot on them, and chances are, they are on their way to sell some of it to the local kid down the road who will pay some exorbitant price for it cuz he/she doesn't know any better.

-If you heard 2 of the above statements, you can be sure your suspect is a pot head and has probably already smoked 2 times within the hour before you even got to them. (In fact if you pay close attention they might even be smoking it right now...)

-If you heard 1 of the above statements, your suspect is a pot head but will probably never admit to it as they are in denial.

-If you have not heard any of the above statements from suspect, chances are you do not have a pot head on your hands...or you do and they just smoked themselves too retarded to think. Lol

Disclaimer: I really don't care if pot is legal or not...in my opinion it's just as dangerous as alcohol and cigarettes. And by dangerous I mean they all are a way to escape. And don't get me wrong...escaping is needed every once in a while...but when you need it every day, then there is an issue, because at what point do you actually have time to solve the problems or issues that you are escaping from? When do you actually take a hold of your life and live it, as opposed to letting your issues take a hold of you and escaping life instead?

It's Gonna Punch You Straight in the Baby Maker

I'm not really sure how it happened...but it seems as soon as I turned 30 life wanted to start a new era whether I approved of it or not. I don't know if there is a ticking time bomb that only activates when you turn 30, but whatever I choose to accredit it too (depending on the day and circumstance) it is there, and it's activated, and not gonna lie...it's kind of unrelenting. I don't want to drink or smoke or even wake up next to someone I don't love...what's wrong with this picture? I'm really finding no pleasure in these things...and it all happened out of no where. I would liken to assume that some people would say it's depression...but that would mean I find pleasure in nothing...which is false. So that can't be it. (On a side note: Aren't those things signs of a sort of depression...blocking the world out by numbing so to speak?) It just completely stumps me that no matter how many years I've tried to stop these bad habits and tried consciously choosing to do alternative things to trick myself into not wanting to do them (and failed most often miserably enough to render me to have plenty of stories of the dumb things I've done to pass onto posterity sake when I'm old and wrinkly), I've always had the urge to get into trouble and be a little on the wild side. Had I been privy to this information it would have made much more sense to indulge myself until the time bomb so chose to activate.
I feel like one day I woke up and started caring about everything. I'm finding myself valuing completely different things and not having as much fun with the old stuff. I'm finding it's more satisfying doing things like going to yard sales, cleaning my house, reading a good book, reminiscing, writing, listening/playing music, spending time with people that make me laugh until my stomach muscles hurt the next day like I did an insanity an work out, and just actually caring enough to remember and live my life. It's like someone flicked the switch and put me in Suzie homemaker mode even though I have no reason to be in it. No one warns you about this...I guess cuz "they" knew we would have probably partied harder (if that's humanly possible) if we knew there was an end to the madness at an undisclosed time. Logically I can only assume this experience is what people refer to as the biological clock and what I will lovingly will refer to as the decade that punched me straight in the baby maker.