Show and Tell

I'm blown away sitting here with a dancing heart and crying happy tears. I am literally overflowing and I can’t help but share some encouragement in what God has been doing.

This year was so hard on so many levels especially in the waiting. One of those areas, closing on this house, seemed near impossible after 9 months of battling and waiting and biting our fingernails. I felt like every obstacle that could be in the way was in the way. Every time we’d clear a hurdle in the nick of time we’d be met with another seemingly even bigger than the last. It seemed there was no end to them and no moment to catch a breath. Yet God was right there swooping in at the right moment every time and giving us enough strength for each day and just enough light for us to see the next step. Today we have our house...almost an acre of property in NJ, near our jobs, with a giant garage and in one of the best school districts around, in a place we could never dream to afford. Sometimes I still can’t believe it’s real. 

I feel like the day we closed on this house God unleashed his storehouse of blessing on us, reminding us how He is true to His promises, and teaching us pursuing the will of God in faith even when it seems impossible is rewarded. As my devotional this morning reminded me, pain, hardship, and tough times are always followed with growth, and reward. It’s worth it to see it through to the other side. This house certainly has been a lot of work and there’s much more to do, but I feel like we’ve had one blessing after another after another since we’ve closed. In less than a month of getting this house we’ve gotten a free riding mower on the side of the road a mile from our house, a backhoe in our driveway to use the day we were gonna rent one for $1,000, free flooring in our bedroom because the wrong one was shipped, a top of the line matching fridge, microwave, and gas stove from different sellers (basically brand new for $1,000 as opposed to the $8,000 it should have cost us), 75% off tile the day we went to restore to find and purchase our bathroom tile, and today this story. 

So this week we have our fireplace inspected to find it’s unusable and we need to rebuild it for $8,000 or put in an insert for $5,000 best price. Of course that wasn’t in our budget and we already had cut out getting the kitchen done cuz of unexpected costs. I was literally just saying yesterday, “I don’t know where we are going to find $5,000 for this. I’m not working because Sy only has half days of school so what we saved to fix this house is all we have. Not gonna happen.” Not having the fireplace is a big deal as that fireplace is gonna be our main source of heat until we can get our heating/air system installed in December. Then today I wake up to this...almost $5,000 in my unemployment account from my claim that was on hold for no apparent reason and unpaid since July. I must have sent 25 emails and made 100 calls about this since March...even wrote the governor with no response on anything.  But don’t you know THE DAY AFTER I need to “find” $5,000 so we have heat this winter it magically arrives in my account. You can’t tell me there isn’t a God! This is bananas! And these are how the stories have gone for us day after day since we closed. Blessings upon blessings. It’s literally exciting to wake up in the morning and see what God is gonna do next. 

Funny enough this isn’t even a 1/4 of the story of this house and the miracles we’ve experienced. I hope one day I get to share the full story with every one of you. But just know this...God is good. His timing is perfect. He can do the impossible. Pain is not wasted and it produces growth if we see it through. And He cares not only about our needs but blesses us beyond what we think is possible if we just put our trust in Him. 

A Domino Kinda Life

If your life doesn’t look like this https://youtu.be/gbHGFX9E2P0
you’re doing it wrong.

Above is a clip of the superhero known as Domino from the DeadPool movies. She has the gift of...you guessed it...luck. No matter the close calls, chaos that surrounds her, or what comes her way things always seem to work out for her. She walks around confident in this fact that everything is going to turn out ok. Most times she doesn't even bat an eye or give the madness the time of day. She just stays on mission with an occasional battle here and there and rolls with the twists and turns in which she always comes out on top. Sure if you took a snapshot of a moment in the reel, say when the car is flipping in the air above her head about to crush her, or she's got a gun pointed at her with no defense, or when she is clearly outnumbered, one might cringe a bit for the impending doom. But if you let it play out, the end always works out for good. Granted getting there doesn't always FEEL good, but it does not discount that it is still good in the end. Sounds a bit like life huh? (I mean logically it always has to work out right? Otherwise you die. And honestly death isn't such a bad gig being a Christian...no more pain, sorrow, heartache and all sounds pretty enticing to me. So technically it works out in death too. Just food for thought.)

Anyway, being a Christian should look like that video clip (minus the cursing and narration of course). I can't take the credit for this visual as I owe the connection to my husband's imagination. But he is certainly right. Domino's confidence is commanding, much like the stories I read in the Bible of real life superheros. I mean have you ever read the stories of the apostles? Their lives were just as unbelievable...seeing angels and mind blowing visions, being healed from blindness, prison doors just opening before them, a woman brought back from the dead, being bit by a venomous snake with no repercussions, an earthquake loosing their prison chains, and the list goes on and on. And that's just what they happened to write down! I mean the cajones on these guys, who I must add were pretty scared and pathetic dudes beforehand, can only speak to meeting and being transformed by the life altering power of Jesus. My point being, the Creator of the universe has endless creativity and resources to "make a way" for His people. We should seriously be walking around with Domino like confidence. So why don't we?

When thinking about this question I'm reminded of Job 38-39, where good ol' Job questions God why everything was happening to him and God lays the smack down on him. In my paraphrasing, God's response went something like this: 

“Were you around when I hung the stars or set the earth in motion? Do you know how big the universe is or how the sea is held back to stay in its boundaries? (Insert 20 rounds of 'Are you Smarter than the Creator" unanswerable game show questions ending with...) Oh you DON'T know all these things as you were NOT there for the start of it all. Please! Know your roll Job." Lol

I can only speak for myself here, but I am often a Job, questioning the now and thinking my brain can figure out the full picture ahead. But in reality that's a losing battle as I'm trying to understand something I literally can not comprehend as God's monologue clearly proves. In fact thinking I know more than I do does more harm than good because it creates circular thinking which produces worry and anxiety because I'm trying to do something I wasn't designed to do. I'm trying to figure out something I wasn't designed to figure out. It's literally impossible. Of course that's why I'm frustrated. I'm assuming I'm not the only one in this boat. Why can't we just trust and put one foot in front of the other knowing He will come through and live out what we say we believe? Sadly it's easier to trust what we see, feel, and think we know, more than someone else who DOES know the actual Truth, our infinitely powerful and creative God. To hit the nail on the head, I think we don't like giving up the illusion of control. This of course is a real bummer because when we don't learn to trust Him, we miss out on the excitement and superpowers we have access to and pure freedom it brings.

But what if we were to live life out to mirror what we say we believe? What if our lives resembled a Domino like security when the hard things of life came up? Does that mean we walk around in endless bliss? Of course not. Bad things, situations, disappointments, heartache, life etc. happen to everyone. Sometimes we get kicked and punched and life just hurts. The difference is not actually found in the changing of circumstances but in our disposition while in the circumstance. We are defined with peace and fearlessness that remains with us while waiting for the good to come, and knowing that it will come. All it takes is simply believing the promise that it will work out for good, somehow-sometime-in some way, simply because God promises so if you walk this life out with Him. And that my friends makes all the difference in the world. It changes the way you think and thus changes the way you act. Our lives were always meant to be lived outside the box of "normal'. That's why we are still unfulfilled even when we have all the boxes checked off the list. You see, the Bible says without faith it is IMPOSSIBLE to please God. Newsflash: Faith is only required for things that are bigger than you and out of your realm of possible. That's the kind of life we were meant to be living. 

So here's the challenge:
-If you are a Christian and you haven’t seen the breakthrough yet...know that you’re somewhere in the middle of your story. And the good news is your story isn't over yet. Hang on and stay strong holding onto the promises of God! It's not over until it's good!
-If your life story is fairly boring or easy breezy, sorry hunny but you aren't living at your God given potential. There’s soooo much more God has for you. Start living what you say you believe, and watch God blow your mind!
-If you have no idea what this God stuff is all about but living like Domino sounds cool...start by accepting Jesus and hold on for the ride of your life.  He'll take you to places you never dreamed you could go, and you will do things your wildest imagination couldn't come up with. You will feel purpose and fulfillment like you never have before. Wanna give it a try and join my team? We could use someone just like you.

There’s More Than Meets the Eye

“We cannot bring the vision to fulfillment through our own efforts, but must live under its inspiration until it fulfills itself.” -Oswald Chambers “My Utmost for His Highest”

Waiting is hard. It’s seems God’s timing is never aligned with my own and it often leaves (no pun intended) me in the wait. Not that He’s ever late...more like right on time...it’s just me who would prefer not to wait. I’m not positive if it’s the waiting or the giving up my control of the situation that’s harder here. One thing is for sure though, waiting is necessary because in the wait, things grow. 

There’s always this work going on underneath the surface that I can’t see. In a world so vast and complex, how foolish am I to even think I can see or understand it all and then attempt to have control over it? Sounds pretty silly saying it out loud. In training myself to respond and not react, I must remind myself here that though my eyes do not see it yet, does not mean it’s not on the way; and though my hands are not a part of it, does not mean it’s not being worked on. There’s more than meets the eye in this world. 

Do you know how I know this? Exhibit A: Logically looking back on my life, every problem I’ve had and thought I’d never get through always worked itself out...rarely how I expected, but always worked out none the less. Fact is, life keeps moving and to do so, things must change. My catch phrase is “It will work out. It has to.” The fact that I’m still standing here today and thousands, if not millions of my problems have resolved themselves is the proof. 

Exhibit B: Spiritually I know this because of faith (the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen). It’s the word that pleases God and calls Him to work. And every time I put it in action, it grows because God does not disappoint.  

Whichever way you slice it....something is always being worked on, something is always being done. Though I’m not the one growing the seed, I can surely rely on the One who is. In the wait I can remind myself things ARE happening even when it looks changeless on the surface. 

Then, as if suddenly and without warning, the plant leaf pops up through the ground, the answer comes, the breakthrough happens. But it wasn’t REALLY suddenly, was it? It just seems that way with my limited perception. Peer below the surface a moment and you see the reality all along. Something was happening, I just didn’t look beyond the surface to see it. I want to remember to pause here in that moment...the moment of “suddenly”. Too quick I sigh a breath of relief, check that one off the list and move onto the next problem in line. But I need to take more time imprinting the suddenly moment so when in the waiting, I learn to live expectantly knowing that suddenly is on its way. 

So, it seems I‘m left with only one leaf to turn over (pun intended). Now knowing the process and the end result and seeing this played out over and over in my life, my question is this. What sense does it make to worry and strive to make something happen (that I really can’t control anyway) when I can just have the faith, live in peace, and trust God’s got it from the start? None as far as I can now see. 

Perception Changes Everything

This is what happens when you pull up the weather app and view today’s forecast but fail to scroll down further to see the details in the hourly forecast. I found out today that 90% rain can mean sunny skies all day but rain in the evening...and result in looking pretty funny walking around in rain boots on a bright and sunny day. 

I can’t help but connect the dots of this humorous moment to a life lesson. Perception changes everything. It has the power to alter life...most influentially, our choices. Believe me, had I known it was going to rain this EVENING, I would have left the rain boots home. A little extra information really goes a long way. 

In thinking about this reality, I’m reminded of a sermon I heard recently highlighting the difference between a snapshot and a movie. When you take the time to see a story play out, you often get a better understanding of a single moment. And similarly, looking at a single moment is not equivalent to knowing the whole tale. The picture we now see will lead to another picture that will lead to another, that when put together will be something far different from a single moment’s story. 

This mindset can be extremely helpful in learning the important skill of grace. It can be the reason we give people who might be having a bad day/week/month/year some slack as we remind ourselves the story of their life has not been so kind and today is not necessarily the full picture of how it will unfold. It can be what reminds us to forgive those who hurt us, as we’ve hurt people too. It might be a gentle nudge to lighten up on our kids when they err. Or it could be the connection we need to choose to let it go when a stranger acts selfishly. Maybe it’s stepping into our boss’ or leader’s shoes for a moment and realizing we wouldn’t want to be the one making the decisions that affect many. Or could it be that we ourselves need the grace most sometimes? This simple mindset might even help in situations like we are facing in our world currently. We can choose to remain calm as we remember our right now is not our forever. Whatever way makes sense to you one fact remains, we are all part of a bigger story that’s playing out in our lives, families, communities, country, and world and it’s helpful to remember to pause and take a birds eye view. Maybe from way up there we’ll see the problem really isn’t that big at all. 

They say a picture is worth 1000 words so then that means a movie would be worth 1000 pictures (probably more). 

 Let’s keep that in mind as we live this life out day by day and give grace for the moments, situations, and people (including ourselves) that might need just a little extra in this season. And if you see a lady walking around in rain boots on a sunny day, remind yourself that if you zoom out on a google map I bet it’s raining somewhere nearby and she probably is dressed appropriately for that perspective. 

Up and Out:The Movement

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to fix someone else’s problem? Take for instance this morning. I start my car, drive it to the Wawa to get gas, shut it off, go to start it back up and all of a sudden good ol’ Morning Glory decides that’s the moment she doesn’t want to turn over. My initial thought was “Awww! Baby doesn’t like the cold just like her mom” and I laughed. I tried to start it a few more times unsuccessfully. Then the reality set in. I have an ACTUAL problem. The only thing I could think to do in that moment was to call Bryan to come help me. Never mind I had jumper cables in the back and could have asked any of the 50 people in Wawa to jump me, or that I could have pulled the helpless girl card and opened my hood and waited for a nice person to ask if they could help. Nope! None of those things came to mind. The only thing that made sense to me was to make my loving fiancé turn back around from driving to work and come and rescue me. 

Of course as Bryan was pulling into the parking lot, he was greeted with my car running strong as in the wait time a gentleman asked if I needed help. The timing of things can make you laugh sometimes! Though the gesture was kind, it still only got me from point A to B and not the finish line, though I’m sure all the morning commuters trying to get gas were grateful I was no longer hoarding a precious bay. Truth was I still needed a solution to the bigger problem and I couldn’t think of how to do it at the moment. 

Thankfully Bryan swooped in with a clear mind, able to see the full picture. He suggested going across the street to AutoZone, having the battery checked, and either buying a new one or a jumper box to make it through the day. Good news, it was just the battery and he had it installed and the situation taken care of in the sacrifice of a lunch break. It probably would’ve taken me half the day. Why? Because I was in it. 

Back to my original question. Have you ever noticed how easy it is to fix someone else’s problem? Well there’s a reason for that. All of the many solutions never come to mind when you’re in it, because solutions exist where the problem is not. Inside the problem, vision is always cloudy and this makes it difficult to see through to  the other side on your own. This is why we need each other. (Maybe you didn’t catch that...I mean it’s like a literal NEED like air and water and food and shelter). We need someone to reach through the fog and with extended arm grab our hand and pull us out of the cloud to be able to find the solution. This is why it’s imperative to be looking up and out and not down and in at ourselves. People need us! We need people! When we’re focused on helping others we are at the right perspective to see the solution to their problems and help them out of it. 

Can you imagine if everybody adopted this mindset? In theory, we wouldn’t have to worry about our own backs cuz we’d have countless people watching our backs for us. Gone would be the days of spinning our wheels, wasting time trying to figure out how to get out of the fog that we are in. Don’t be fooled though! Helping another person requires sacrifice as it did for Bryan today, BUT I promise you the reward and return rate is sooooo much greater than what is lost. 

So....are you with me? 

Up and Out:The Movement!

Hit me!

Life is like a deck of cards. Some people are dealt a Full House, others a Straight Flush, and so on. Many days I feel like I got dealt the Joker, an Ace, and the Instructions. WTF do I do with that???

Often we try to make moves based on someone else’s cards, that we aren’t holding. Or we fold. Or we bluff trying to convince ourselves and others we don’t really have what’s in our hand. So naturally we find ourselves getting frustrated or anxious or defeated. But why do we forget about the most obvious option...the only option that produces hope?

Trust the dealer. He’s got the deck and at any moment can deal me out exactly what I need.

Painting with the Master

I’ve been painting as a trade for a number of years now. Even if you are on a crew, sooner or later you will find yourself alone...just you, a paintbrush and God. Some of my greatest God moments have come out of these times. By nature I am energetic and on the move...something is always going full speed ahead whether it be my mind or body, otherwise I’m asleep. When my body is busy my mind is at rest, and when my mind is busy my body is at rest. Thus I find it much easier to hear what God is saying when I’m doing mindless busy work (the auto pilot stuff like showering, washing dishes, driving, and painting) as I’m not clogging my brain up with my own thoughts. The not so great part about that is, my hands are a little too busy to write it all down in the moment. (High fives to the guy who created the talk to text feature.) So without further adieu here’s the highlights from my last “painting session with the Master”. 

A little bit of light and a different shade of color really changes what we see. Many times in the painting business, we can’t see a wall’s imperfections until we put a different coat of paint on the wall or shine a bright light on it. In the dark, we can’t see what’s wrong to fix it, but shine some light and things get a lot clearer. Once the lighting is good, we can fix what is visible. Next in the process is a coat of paint. Often with the new color, more imperfections pop up that we missed the first time around because of the way the new color absorbs or reflects the light.

Funny thing is life is fairly similar. The way I see it, we are just like these walls I paint...full of imperfections. Over time we get bumped and scratched; at times there are gaping holes to be patched from a poorly negotiated boundary; some areas might need some filling and sanding or even a redesign to function properly. But just like these walls, we can’t even see what’s wrong until we are introduced to the light (Jesus). Likewise, we go through many colors in life as well. The colors can range from dull, to dark and piercing, to bright and cheery, or even calming bringing relief to our soul. The light looks different depending on the color at the time. Regardless, with each new color, something different is brought to the surface to fix as we didn’t see it before in that light. 

All this light shining and color changing in our lives I’m convinced God certainly orchestrates. It’s not to point out our wrongs to make us feel guilt and shame but instead to bring things to light so we can be our very best. After all, how could we ever see the imperfections to fix them, without the light? And how would we find what needs fine tuning if we didn’t have different colors highlighting them? Its God’s love that He walks with us through all the different lightings and shades this life brings. And in His grace and mercy He doesn’t illuminate them all at once. Otherwise we might have half a mind to just tear the wall down and start over. And what kind of hope would that give to all the walls still standing if a tear down was the only way? None. We need every wall there is, in the phase it’s in, to do exactly what it was made to do...to stand and be a testament of what it is in that moment. Just as painters are pretty skilled at this fixing wall business...God’s pretty skilled at this fixing people business (He should be. He created them.) Maybe, just maybe, we should trust Him a little more with what He’s good at and stick to what it is we are good at. After all it would look pretty silly if that wall told me what I needed to do to fix it. Don’t you agree? Just about as silly as it must look to God when we say we know better than Him. 

Bringing Joy Out of the Closet

Can I tell you how nice it was to be able to pick out clothes to wear today in the comfort and warmth of my room! This past September my fiancé and I, a 36 year old fiercely independent from birth, moved back into my parent’s house. We barely were able to squeeze our belongings into our space and consequently my closet ended up out in the sunroom, sheltered from the elements but not temperature. In the dim light of morning and through frigid temperatures I begrudgingly chose each days attire all winter. By the time spring rolled around, I had enough. Seeing and hearing how stressed out this clothing situation was making me, my loving fiancé came home with a surprise this week and built me a closet. (Shout out to Bryan Arnett. Thank you so much for listening and putting love to action.) Had I had that closet when I moved in, it would not be as special as it felt. Sure, I would not have gone through pain but I also would have never experienced the joy of simply picking out clothes each and every morning. 

Sometimes we take the simplest things for granted. But oh the joy of losing something then regaining it. That’s one of the many benefits of fasting, it reminds you to be grateful for the everyday things like having food or being able to eat. Maybe that’s even the point of Job. Reading that story in the Bible, it’s hard not to focus on what he lost. But maybe Job could never truly understand the blessing of what he had and the joy it brought until it was gone. How great must his joy have been when God blesses Him with even greater things than he had. Maybe if we’re honest we can see ourselves in the story of Job and find ourselves focusing on the “have not‘s”. If so, I want to encourage you today with this, try focusing on the blessing that is coming even if it’s not here yet. Faith is what moves mountains. If you need a tougher challenge, try reshaping your belief to see that God is actually good to allow us pain. Only through it do we grow immensely. Only through it do we learn gratitude for what we have before it’s gone. Only through it do we experience exceedingly great joy, the kind that will overshadow the pain one day. So let’s focus on faith believing the blessing is on its way because it’s about time to let that joy of of the closet! 

An Ode to the Gold

Recently, my parents celebrated their 50th anniversary. It was a night full of surprises as the video compilation shows. This is the poem I wrote for them on that evening.

An Ode to the Gold 

Life Lived Psalm 107:23-31 Style

50 years and many seasons 

The swells of life’s oceans can bring

But hand in hand you sailed on together

To gaze on sunsets you’ve never dreamed

You’ve seen many lands and played many roles

Your boat’s even run aground too

But God never let you be shipwrecked for long

Because wherever you went He did too

Mom and Dad you set the bar high

In living a life that you gave away

Not just for your immediate crewBut to all God’s shipmates each and every day

You’ve tirelessly served, swabbed countless decks

Battled pirate attacks and fixed tattered sails 

I’m sure there’s many days you felt like walking the plank

But through it all you chose love and prevailed

No we may not have had the best of the land 

It’s fancy toys, pleasures and comforts

But our gain from your life lived in such a way

Is the greatest treasure you left for us

There is no weather too difficult to bear

No place where we can’t roam

In stormy seas you found the secret

Hold tight to the anchor and let the compass guide us home

So on this day we celebrate

Together here and with others mates too

Because a boat sailed so well has a habit of changing

The course of surrounding boats too

If you’d like to check out the video watch it here:

https://youtu.be/k0_4KBhXhYA